a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
