We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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