Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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