Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
