Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
