A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
