took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
