My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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