I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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