zippers are such a cool invention
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
