$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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