you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
