I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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