Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
