I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
