capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
