fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
