When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
