ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
