if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
