Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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