plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
