it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
