What a fucking waste of an outfit
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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