So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
