For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
