Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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