Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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