It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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