a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
