I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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