I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
