used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
