OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
