Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
