If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
