Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
