dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
