first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
