Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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