booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
