Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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