it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
