absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
