i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
