i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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