I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
