I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
