I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
