Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
